Merry Xmas, Iruka
by txilar
Summary: After deciding they will celebrate Xmas this year, Kakashi puts up a Christmas tree. Iruka is a little lost on the finer points of Xmas.
1. O Christmas Tree

Prompt: Christmas Tree 

"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,  
From base to summit, gay and bright,  
There's only splendour for the sight."

««»» 

"Are those _kunai _hanging in a tree?" Iruka paused, nonplussed, hands limp at his sides, head tilted, as he stared at the tree suddenly filling the room. There was barely room to get in or out of the door.

"Yes!" said Kakashi.

He sounds too happy to be sober, Iruka thought, and if he's tying kunai on a tree… "Um… why?"

"Because we're celebrating Christmas this year. And you have to have a Christmas Tree," said Kakashi, butt wiggling in the air as he straightened a piece of garishly gold lamé fabric beneath the tree.

"Uh huh." Iruka rubbed his nose as he checked out Kakashi's rear unashamedly. He wasn't really the type to stare at butts, he was really more of an 'arm' kind of guy, but, it was right there. And wiggling. Something about it seemed cheerful.

"And what do you know about celebrating Christmas?" Iruka grinned as Kakashi reached far behind the tree, shirt baring a sliver of skin at his back. Iruka was leaning forward to touch when Kakashi moved.

"Ha!"

Iruka jumped as Kakashi shoved backwards and stood up. He threw his arm out in a dramatic flourish, presenting the tree as he crowed triumphantly.

Iruka stared doubtfully at Kakashi, who pointed meaningfully with both hands at the tree.

Iruka studied the tree. It had more than kunai on it. There were red and green shuriken, gleaming gold Leaf symbols, and tiny little scarecrows. And… it _glowed_. He stepped back as the lights began flickering on and off. "Have you been playing with wires and LEDs again?"

Kakashi grinned, shaking his head and holding his hand up. He stood still, his ear angled purposefully toward the tree. Music suddenly started playing. It was high-pitched, tinny, and warbly. The lights blinked in time.

Iruka groaned.

Kakashi watched his tree play music with a happy smile, ignoring Iruka and nodding in silent praise of his work. Hands on his hips, he stood proudly, before turning to Iruka.

"So, you like the ornaments? How about my angel?"

Iruka stared at him with a confused expression. "Ornaments?"

"Yeah, yeah, you have to decorate the tree. I think icicles, toy soldiers, and Santa heads are—"

"Heads? Santa _heads_? Isn't Santa the guy that gives toys away? You put his head on a tree?" Iruka was scandalised, but could tell by Kakashi's patient expression that he was going to be humoured in this, but really. Heads? On a tree? Next to kunai? What was the message here?

"It's meant to remind you—"

"Of what? Beheadings?" Iruka walked closer to the tree to examine the ornaments. It wasn't hard. There wasn't much space left in the entire room, let alone the entryway. He looked up and stared at the top. "Kakashi," he began, hopeful that his voice sounded as scary as Kakashi's did when he said Iruka's name in that tone.

He turned and saw the gleam in Kakashi's eye. He'd failed. There was no fear there.

"Is that a… a _dolphin_ _angel_?"

Kakashi nodded, biting his lip, barely able to contain his smile.

"It has wings!"

Kakashi nodded again.

"Are you going to put my head up there next?" Iruka was feeling very disturbed at this point. The dolphin had wings, not to mention a silly, sickly grin. It was purple, for god's sake. It really clashed with all the red and green Kakashi had filled the room with.

Kakashi laughed in response to his question. "Oh no, silly. You don't represent Christmas. You get what goes under the tree."

"I get dirt." This was one of those times when he really, honestly thought Kakashi had lost his mind. One too many lightning strikes perhaps.

"No, not dirt, you've been good this year. You'll get presents."

"Presents?" Iruka finally felt a touch of intrigue. "Where under the tree?" He looked under the tree. Only gold lamé. No presents.

Kakashi shook his head. "If you're a good boy, you'll get lots."

Iruka quirked an eyebrow as Kakashi moved closer, his arms sliding around Iruka, hands rubbing his back. Iruka returned the motion and leaned against Kakashi, arms wrapping around his neck.

"What about you? Don't you have to be a good boy too?"

Kakashi ducked his head down so they were face to face, lip to lip. "If you're good, you get me. I don't have to be good."

Iruka knew, just knew, there was something faulty with that logic, but Kakashi's lips were on his neck, then on his lips, and the warm hands that had been on his back were slipping under the waistband of his pants. He let Kakashi walk him back to their bedroom, where, even in the dark he could still make out the twinkling glow of their Christmas tree.

///end


	2. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Prompt: Santa

"Santa's a busy man he has no time to play  
He's got millions of stockings to fill on Christmas day"

««»»

"He makes a list," Kakashi said.

"What do you mean he makes a list? He has informants?" Iruka looked calmly outraged at the idea that a jolly fat man was keeping tabs on him.

Kakashi smiled.

"Is he a ninja? In _that_ outfit? Just what am I supposed to be watching out for, anyway?" Iruka shook his head as he went over Kakashi's paperwork. "And I really don't like the idea of some fat guy watching me sleep. Are you sure this isn't a plot of Jiriaya's?" asked Iruka, looking up with an irritated expression.

Kakashi shook his head, mentally apologising to Jiraiya for not defending him. "No, it's one of the Laws of Claus. You keep Santa in your head and… no, that's not right. Your heart?" He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. There are rules, Iruka. If you've been good, there's nothing to fear."

"Oh and just what entails good?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, philosophically, good is more of a ritual ideal and, while I can't imagine Santa expects ritual cleanliness before he delivers, you never know, he might. Possibly, getting loot from the big guy is a fulfilment of ultimate pleasure and thus, in a hedonistic sense, Good. I doubt he subscribes to the hedonistic principle myself, it would undermine the whole point of having a list."

Iruka stared.

"It is also possible that Santa feels humanity as a whole is not intrinsically good and he is attempting to guide us to goodness by rewarding good behaviour and punishing naughty behaviour. Of course, by watching all the time he creates an environment of fear, but as a teacher you know how well that works. Inevitably, it seems his demand of good behaviour is simply an expression that the true nature of the universe is Good and he's simply guiding us toward the natural order. Perhaps."

Iruka was still staring. His head was tiled to the side, his mouth was open and one eyebrow was raised.

"You disagree? What are your own theories of the nature of Good, Iruka-sensei?"

"I… what?" Iruka's expression was almost pained. Kakashi smiled again.

"I can make it simple. Have you been naughty or nice?"

"I'm _nice_. Everyone knows that." Iruka spoke through nearly clenched teeth.

"Ah, but for my own philosophical purposes Iruka, I would submit that you are naughty." Kakashi's voice dipped low and he leaned forward, "Very naughty."

"I'm not naughty," laughed Iruka, leaning back. There was a hint of nervousness in the laugh.

"Oh, yes, you are. You should be careful. Santa's watching us _right now_." Kakashi tapped the side of his masked nose twice. "He knows."

Iruka looked around, caught himself and stopped short. "He is not! He does not!"

Kakashi laughed out loud. "I have a mission. I'll be back in a couple of days. Don't take down my decorations, that'd definitely be a naughty thing to do."

He heard Iruka's exasperated _hmph_ as he walked out the door. He smiled to himself, checked his list, and disappeared in a faint swirl of leaves.

///end


	3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Prompt: Mistletoe

"Then I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus  
Underneath his beard so snowy white"

««»»

Kakashi held Iruka close, the mistletoe crumpling in his hand against Iruka's ponytail. Iruka's arms were around him, kneading at his lower back; nevertheless he pulled Iruka closer, tighter, warmer, around him.

He loosened his hold around Iruka's neck and tilted his head back, panting for breath. Iruka did the same, though he looked a little dazed.

"That's what the mistletoe is for? That's not bad."

Kakashi nodded as he watched Iruka's lips.

"But we do that anyway," Iruka's dazed gaze took on a confused look. As if he was trying to think of something and trying to go to sleep at the same time. He licked his bottom lip slowly, ponderously, as if it might give him a hint.

"But the mistletoe lets…" Kakashi drifted off as he stared over Iruka's shoulder.

"What?" asked Iruka, voice faint as he moved closer to Kakashi, mouth angling for another kiss.

"I think you have a peeping tom," whispered Kakashi.

They heard a yelp, then a loud thumping noise that repeated a dozen or so times before ending suddenly.

Kakashi opened the door and peeked through the slivered opening with a single eye. The echo of voices rose up from the bottom of the stairs. Before Kakashi could say anything, three forms dispersed into the chilly night. The slowest was a bright orange blur, looking back guiltily and waving. Kakashi grinned, shaking his head, and shut the door

"Where were we?"

Iruka took his scarf off and kicked his shoes into the corner. "You'd just got in. I think you said you brought some mistletoe. You were going to teach me about it." He stretched his arms over his head and Kakashi spied a flash of warm skin and a hint of hipbone before Iruka dropped, sprawling onto the sofa. "Bring it over here," he said, grinning.

Kakashi kicked off his own shoes and pulled off his scarf and vest before kneeling next to Iruka. "You see, sensei? You are terribly naughty and chastising you doesn't seem to work. What am I going to do with you?"

"Mistletoe me into submission?"

"Hn. Or I could tie you down with ribbons and teach you a lesson."

Iruka was silent for a minute as he studied Kakashi. "You're doing that Kakashi logic thing again, aren't you?"

Kakashi nodded as he leaned toward Iruka—the mistletoe had somehow attached to his ponytail—and kissed him, first on the nose, then on the forehead.

Iruka squirmed trying to reach Kakashi's mouth.

"Impatient?"

"Very."

"Santa doesn't reward impatience," breathed Kakashi, lips touching Iruka's.

"But he'll _get_ rewarded, won't he?" Iruka growled as he reached up to kiss Kakashi, and this time, because of the mistletoe of course, Kakashi let him.

But he wasn't going to let go until sometime in the morning.

That'll teach a naughty elf.

///end


	4. Deck the Halls

Prompt: Decorations

"Follow me in merry measure,  
While I tell of Yule tide treasure"

I really appreciate the reviews So glad all of you are enjoying it. Thank you K4te for your inspiring praise. This chapter is for you.

««»» 

"Kakashi, are those teddy bears?"

Kakashi nodded as he walked around the, seemingly shrinking, room, arms full of teddy bears. He deposited them randomly.

"Why are you decorating with teddy bears?" Iruka asked in a reasonably calm and rational tone. He'd found he was rarely surprised or shocked anymore by Kakashi's sometimes bizarre behaviour, but that didn't stop the occasional brain freeze here and there.

"They're wearing Christmas sweaters," replied Kakashi absently.

Iruka looked around the room. Aside from the sofa there were two chairs. Both were presently occupied by bears. One chair was wrapped in bows. Huge, garish, red and green plaid bows. Edged in gold.

There were cherubim holding council over the fireplace—

"Kakashi! I don't have a fireplace! Where did that come from?" Iruka jumped over to the fireplace and held his hands out toward the flickering flames.

"I got it at… nevermind. You have to have a place for stockings, Iruka." Kakashi shook his head as if in disbelief that Iruka didn't understand this.

"Well where are the stockings?" _I can go along with this. I'm supposed to get gifts, I can entertain the bizarre. This can't be worse than Easter Bunny disaster._

"In a box. Number twelve, I think." Kakashi said as he leaned in box number six and pulled out a wad of wires. "Can you help me hang the lights?" He held the wad of wires out. Iruka took one end and followed Kakashi toward the door.

As they untangled the wires, Iruka realised the bulbs were shaped like shuriken. And the glowed and twinkled in an array of most un-ninjalike colours.

Kakashi hummed as he began twisting the lights around nails lining the doors. Iruka wanted to ask how and when they'd got there, but sighed quietly instead, waiting as Kakashi finished.

Kakashi smiled as he finished the last light and snaked the wire through the door to plug it in. Iruka blinked in the glow.

Kakashi stopped moving for a moment and looked through the door.

Iruka followed his gaze, hoping he was satisfied. There wasn't one foot of the room that wasn't touched in some way by Christmas cheer. A family of snowmen sat on the coffee table, top-hats obscuring view of the television.

Pillows littered the sofa with holiday sayings. Iruka narrowed his eyes at one, embroidered in vivid red against dark green: You're the Snowflake on my Tongue.

It was one of a matched set, too. The other one, currently covered by a star-shaped pillow read: Lick My Candy Cane!

"Isn't it beautiful?" Kakashi asked, his voice quiet and dreamy.

"No. It's grotesque. And a little scary. The bears are watching me."

Undeterred by Iruka's critique, Kakashi wandered back to the kitchen to rifle through another box. Number sixteen, Iruka noticed as he followed Kakashi.

"Didn't you have outside decorations last year?"

"Oh, they're up," he said casually, voice echoing from the box he was currently shoulder-deep in.

Iruka frowned. Kakashi's attention was focused entirely on his decorating mission. For three days now, he'd been dedicated to his decorating; even passing up dinner with Iruka at the nice Inn they kept talking about visiting.

Iruka left Kakashi to his boxes and wandered outside. Two waist high candy canes—how'd he missed those when they did the lights?—stood like guards beside the door. Blinking leaf symbols offset the shuriken lights on the door.

He heard a weird noise coming from the roof and craned his head up to look. _That sound, it couldn't be, no way, he wouldn't_—

Iruka leapt up on the roof.

"Ho Ho Ho." He was greeted by a waving, neon-red glowing Santa and eight tiny reindeer.

Iruka couldn't help but smile. _It's insane, but insufferably cute_. He shook his head and hopped back down.

When he got in, he noticed the Christmas drapes on the window, the glowing candles in both windows, and the bright red and green runner sliding across the table, nearly hid by their dinner served in red and green plaid bowls.

Kakashi was grinning. "Dinnertime!"

"Why all the decorating, Kakashi?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, I can't really decorate you. Or can I?" Kakashi leered as he leaned close to Iruka.

"Let's just eat." Iruka sat down to eat, refusing to answer. He recognised that gleam in Kakashi's eye. He didn't trust it.

Not one bit.

///end


	5. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Xmas

Prompt: Ribbons

"Soon the bells will start,  
And the thing that will make them ring  
Is the carol that you sing  
Right within your heart."

««»»

"Be still Iruka…"

Iruka struggled. "This is not the proper way to celebrate! Let. Me. Go!" He kicked with his feet, useless, but he still did it.

"They're ribbons! What else could they be for but tying up the goods?" Kakashi growled as he twisted to catch Iruka's free arm.

"Oh, for the love of—what do you think the tape is for?"

Kakashi grinned and tore off a piece of tape, a thumb and forefinger at each end.

Iruka struggled when he realised Kakashi was aiming for his mouth. "No!" Iruka yelled and shifted, scooting across the floor on his butt. He stopped suddenly and rolled backwards, feet flailing, as he tipped over. His legs were bound at the knee in a multicoloured plaid ribbon with a big bow angled just between his knees. Something, he didn't know what—a misappropriated candy cane?—kept his ankles apart.

_How did I let this happen?_

Kakashi let go of the tape and held his hands across his belly as he laughed at Iruka. The piece of tape trailed his hand movement as he pointed.

Iruka sulked, snarled, and glared all in one gaze as he struggled up. "Get this stuff off of me—you and your ribbons are being blasphemous!"

Kakashi just laughed harder.

A fluffy white ball bounced in front of his face and Iruka jerked his head around trying to get it to move. He'd forgotten the Santa hat Kakashi had shoved on his head. He probably did look ridiculous, but he wasn't the one using wrapping paper, tape, and ribbons as bondage gear.

_There must have been a moment where I could have said 'Hell No'. What was I thinking?_

"Blasphemous ribbons!" Kakashi fell over on his side laughing.

Iruka finally got himself upright, bound arms and knees forcing him into an odd—to say the least—sitting position.

Kakashi's laughter faded with a lascivious gaze.

"Mmmm."

"Stop that…" Iruka shifted his shoulders instinctively, forgetting for a moment that his wrists were bound behind him with artfully wound tinsel. He used his feet to push backwards. "Why are you holding ornament hangers? What are you going to do with those? You're sick! Sick!"

"_Sensei_, how naughty you are," Kakashi said in a low, lascivious tone. "It isn't too late for Santa to bring you coal." Kakashi advanced slowly across the floor on his hands and knees and Iruka admitted in the deepest part of his mind only, that it was a little scary, a little sexy, and a whole lot turn-on.

_Damn him!_

"You're the naughty one. I'm just a powerless victim of some, some," Iruka sputtered as he tried to come up with a word, "stupid Ribbon Jutsu! This is…"

Kakashi leaned forward over Iruka's chest, hands on Iruka's bound knees and kissed his collarbones gently. "This is…" He took the ornament hanger and deftly twisted it around Iruka's nipple. "What?"

Iruka gasped in shock, maybe a touch of pain, and disbelief. He panted as he stared at Kakashi. "What are you—ahhh!" He broke off as Kakashi twisted the other one on Iruka's other nipple. He arched his back and whimpered, unable to ignore Kakashi's appreciative smile. He twisted uncomfortably as Kakashi licked his lips.

"You were saying, sensei?" asked Kakashi as he traced his finger around Iruka's lips, dipping inside his mouth, finger on his tongue, before outlining his lips again.

"We're suppo—supposed to be wr-wrapping presents, but—" Iruka twisted his head trying to avoid the fingers sliding ticklishly across his lips. He let out a mumbled groan as Kakashi slipped his fingers past Iruka's lips and teeth, trapping his tongue, keeping him from talking. He garbled loudly, insistently. _Presents_!

Kakashi leaned forward, reaching for Iruka's pyjamas with his other hand. "Oh, I am, sensei, I am."

///end


	6. Winter Wonderland

Prompt: Pyjamas 

"Later on, we'll conspire,  
As we dream by the fire To face unafraid,  
The plans that we've made,  
Walking in a winter wonderland."

««»»

"I don't trust your pyjamas, I'll wear my own."

"How can you not trust my _pyjamas_? What have they ever done to you?"

"Okay, I don't trust you in your pyjamas giving me pyjamas that are your pyjamas!"

Kakashi was silent as he stared at Iruka. "Now that just sounds crazy."

Iruka stared back, undaunted. "Yeah, well, you aren't the one who got tied up with wrapping paper. Who knows what you'll do with pyjamas?" He twitched at Kakashi's sudden movement and straightened up, reaching primly for his tea.

Kakashi watched him drink the tea before settling a hand on Iruka's knee. "You enjoyed those decorations far more than the others."

Iruka blushed and glared at this tea.

"I think you especially liked the candy cane. I mean, all things considered."

Iruka, not believing it possibly, blushed harder and brighter. He continued to glare at his tea cup, which did not respond as he saw fit. "Do you see why I don't want to wear your pyjamas? They probably… have cut-outs or something!"

Kakashi was silent for a moment. He scratched the back of the head, then looked seriously at Iruka. "What kind of porn do you read? I've never even heard of such a thing."

Iruka spluttered indignantly, nearly choking on his tea. He had to respond to that. "I do not read that kind of porn, I mean, I don't even know what kind that would be—"

"So it just comes natural to you? To be that kinky? Wow. Naruto would be shocked. Pervy sensei, indeed." Kakashi shifted around, leaning back so that his head was against Iruka's belly. Iruka stopped hyperventilating and shifted so that they were both comfortable. Snuggling in front of the fire kept them both warm, but it didn't mean there weren't sacrifices—hard wooden floors—to be made.

Kakashi grabbed Iruka's foot and pulled it close, resting it on his thigh and rubbing his ankle bone almost obsessively.

"I am _not_ kinky," Iruka muttered.

"You say it like that's a bad thing. I'm not either, I just—I'm _not_," he added when Iruka burst into laughter. "I just like a good porn read. I'm not the one coming up with cut-out pyjamas!"

Iruka nodded sagely. "But you'll look for them now won't you?"

"Yes!" agreed Kakashi happily. He was quiet for a bit longer. "I think it was a good Christmas, don't you? Too bad I couldn't get all my decorations out," he mused, looking up at Iruka from his spot in Iruka's lap.

"You had more? Kakashi, this is a sickness. You need help. The first step is admitting you have a problem." Iruka leaned down and kissed Kakashi. "But yes, it was nice. Even the… present wrapping and decorating."

"So you like Christmas? We can keep doing it?"

"No more bears, Hatake. Then I might start dealing."

"But they're wearing _sweaters_!" Kakashi twisted around on the floor, looking up at Iruka. He looked adamant.

Iruka didn't know what to say. Kakashi just stared at him imploringly, before reaching up and rubbing the bridge of Iruka's nose.

Iruka pulled Kakashi's mouth to his hand and kissed the palm. "I made out pretty good this year. The fireplace was no small feat."

"You're leaving out the earmuffs, silk underwear, wrist restraints, and—"

"Dressing me up for your own prurient delight is a gift to yourself. I _liked_ the fireplace," Iruka interrupted.

Kakashi pouted until Iruka kissed him again.

"I'll allow you two bears."

"Merry Christmas, Iruka."

-fin-


End file.
